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[12 Mar 2008|12:10am] |
Guy: Hey! You wanna make a new keyboard?
Guy2: Yeah, but I don't like money. Let's move some of the keys around in subtle ways so anyone who's used a keyboard for more than a month will totally fuck up typing all the time.
Guy: Ha! Yeah, let's group the F-keys in clusters of three instead of four!
Guy2: Oh! And make the del key the size of TWO keys. And HIDE ins.
Guy: Think we'll go to hell for this?
Guy2: Normally, yeah, but my uncle is Satan. So, we should be fine.
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| Both of these jobs are in the same branch of the Army |
[16 Nov 2007|02:46pm] |
92M: Mortuary Affairs Specialist
92R: Parachute Rigger
btw I need 3 character references that have known me for at least 7 years (10th grade). Basically the FBI calls you / shows up at your house and asks you about me and you say "yeah he's a good guy he never did drugs we like him you should tell him all your secrets" and then they leave. Pretty big chance they'll never even call you though. If you're willing then e-mail me @ logan.bryant@gmail with your full name (they need middle), personal address, and personal phone#.
thx.
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| Dude... |
[10 Oct 2007|06:47am] |
Youtube is fucking mean.
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| OMG OMG OMG |
[15 Jul 2007|12:59pm] |
SO glad I'm not an Iraqi.
Or a Marine.
Or anyone within 700m of this guy. Seriously, did you guys ever think we'd see this image? They gave LAYTON a gun that fires 725 rounds per minute. Layton. The guy that put Gibbs in the hospital with a TV Tray over a game of CS...
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[30 May 2007|04:36pm] |
me: Do laundry tomorrow I need shoits Danica: I was planning on doing it today, since you need shirts. Danica: Shoits, whatever. |
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[21 May 2007|11:55pm] |
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The Time has come.
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[21 May 2007|02:16pm] |
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Danica: Reading about co-sleeping: Do not sleep with your baby if... # You are extremely obese. Obesity itself may cause sleep apnea in the mother, in addition to the smothering danger of pendulous breasts and large fat rolls.
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[11 May 2007|11:02am] |
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Danica: Palladium Item has a myspace.
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| Yesterday |
[22 Apr 2007|01:12am] |
Yesterday was April 20th. I invited Larry over to the Matts' apartment and we each put $10 in to buy 2 cases of 16oz Bud Lights. The other intoxant was already in stock.
The drinking started aout 8pm.
After a couple of rounds of Stenetti, Four Kings, and smaller chugging challenge skirmishes, I had consumed upwards of 8-10 cans by 9:30pm. As it turns out, this was not a good idea. The last two beers plotted a daring escape at around 10. The next thing I remember is getting up off the floor at 3am, mumbling a conversation with Matt #2, and crawling my way upstairs to my apartment so I could cry in the comfort of my own bed. I think I missed the interesting parts. At some point my shoes were removed and then replaced.
Also I bought two packs of cigarettes earlier in the night, smoked maybe four, and haven't seen them since. I don't care. I quit smoking a week or two ago, and only intended to smoke that night. I haven't had a craving yet and am confident that I won't be buying any more. Until the next time I drink, that is. And even then, meh.
This morning, another beer escaped. Then everything was fine. I hired new guards for my stomach--two large and burly looking tylenol with impressive resumes--and there haven't been any escapes since.
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| You may fire when ready. |
[22 Apr 2007|12:35am] |
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| Best spam ever |
[18 Apr 2007|02:45pm] |
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Come start your new life with our medicament! For about creating super children!
(Links removed to protect the stupid)
| | from |  | Barbara 9akwlmegwup@stupidspam.bot | | hide details | 3:33 pm | | | reply-to | | stupid spambot | | | | to | | me | | | | date | | Apr 18, 2007 3:33 PM | | | | subject | | Everything what she dreamt all the time |
what children kids: The American and lots ofA lack of spontaneous obesity. It may even a lack of playtime what children become creative, That's a light schedule a lack of playtime activities But so does living often is sacrificed feel why not," their own passions, Hi there, this is your chance to Heal your healt!We have various preparations that will aid you For the real men we have our special suggestion Just CLICK here! Come on start a new life with our medicament!!! mom and dad -- the pressure, that they're But so does living obesity. It may even"In the current environment where parents and But so does living daughter involved have shown that is more good, huge variety of because young medicine for about creating "super children" contribute to |
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| 300 |
[31 Mar 2007|06:51am] |
For years I've seen movies with 'political intrigue' show characters who cheat and lie and steal end up looking like a hero in a given political gathering (council/senate/board meeting/etc). And then, finally, a movie comes along that satisfies the bloodlust I've built up over the years in regards to these characters.
What happens when you tell a lie in front of a Spartan council? You get stabbed in the fucking pancreas.
GOD it felt good to watch that. The entire movie was just one big satisfaction. Righteous death beyond measure. The one guy goes all berserk with like four spears through his gut and the phalanx totally violates some bitches and shit gets destroyed and fucking awesome.
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| Hmmm... |
[24 Mar 2007|09:57pm] |
I'm listening to an internet radio station and they just started playing "Toxic" by Britney Spears. I got halfway through the song before I realized who it was. I've heard it before but still didn't recognize the voice.
The thing that bothers me is that I don't think it sucks.
I mean I'm not listening to the lyrics or anything, and I don't think it operates on the same level as anyone I go out of my way to listen to, but the overall sound isn't bad. It'd be a good driving song.
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[22 Mar 2007|07:19pm] |
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If this kid takes my kid's lunch money, I'm not going to do anything about it.
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[07 Mar 2007|09:41pm] |
Danica just asked me to keep an eye on dinner as it cooked because she had to go 'eliminate.'
Eliminate what? I was as confused as you are. It took ten minutes and a toilet flush for me to realize that 'eliminate' is Womanese for 'poop.'
Being a father isn't much different from not being one. I'm a lot more pissed off when I see litter and pollution now, and I suddenly find myself interested in public education policies and other such child-affecting news, but beyond that I'm still an asshole like before.
Oh also, I'm not annoyed or anything when mine cries. Like how you get miffed when someone else's baby is crying, even if you're watching it. That doesn't happen when it's yours. You just kind of accept and ignore it while you figure out what the problem is and solve it.
...'solve it' is Loganese for 'wipe oily baby poo off of a tiny scrotum.'
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[07 Mar 2007|09:28pm] |
Anthony Logan "Bean" Bryant was born on 3/5/07 at 13:09. I spent the next two days developing his FPS gaming skills. Before we left the hospital, we had his picture taken immediately following his first knife kill.
 Amusing footnote: Best caption for the above picture wins $.05 |
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thenomad's journal
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